


Introspection

by KristleTribble



Series: Oneirus - His Dreams [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira is Stressed Out, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death In Dream, Character Development, Character Study, Cold Weather, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Introspection, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Poor Yusuke Needs Medical Assistance, Self-Reflection, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11162205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristleTribble/pseuds/KristleTribble
Summary: Akira awakens out of a nightmare and tries to figure it out. During his ruminations, he is distracted by dangerous circumstances. The leader of the Phantom Thieves reacts quickly for fear of losing any teammate yet again...





	1. Chapter 1

Akira's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness as he awoke. He could feel cold sweat plastering his spine to the bed sheets beneath him; this night seemed to be like many he had experienced before -- nightmarish and fraught with insomnia. It was a wonder he ever kept up the appearances of being a perfectly healthy teenager.

He sat up in a daze, nearly forgetting that Morgana was curled up right next to him. Breathing was withheld while Akira waited to see if the cat would say something, but the only thing he could hear was gentle purring from the cat's sleeping form. At times like this, Akira wished that he could get consultation on the anxious dreams that plagued him. He was aware that Morgana knew, but Akira felt bad for even thinking of waking his tired teammate up from such a peaceful slumber.

As silently as he could, the teenager grabbed his phone and got up out of bed. His glasses were pushed onto his face with care and purpose. Akira predicted that he couldn't possibly go back to sleep without another nightmare, all the while quietly making his way to the stairs. He shielded the light from the phone with his free hand: the time displayed '2:46'.

_Damn. I guess I could take a short walk._

Akira gently lifted a pair of sweatpants and a jacket from the cardboard boxes lining the wall behind him. He surveyed the room carefully (he wasn't sure why -- perhaps he was experiencing a shred of insecurity from the nightmare). His Sapphire poster still hung next to the plant, and the Jack Frost doll still sat in its place upon the desk; moreover, Morgana was still asleep and undisturbed.

Once the stairs were descended (the creaking spots in the woodwork avoided dutifully), Akira stepped into the empty cafe on the ground floor. Leblanc's faithful coffee scent never ceased to calm Akira when he had nervous ticks or bad experiences -- the familiarity he felt in Sojiro's workplace was very constant and unwavering, like he belonged there. After a bit of thought, Akira shook off his cloudy musings and put the clothes on over his pajamas. He found his shoes by the bathroom door -- he slipped those onto the socks encompassing his sore and freezing feet.

In the nightmare, he remembered, the Phantom Thieves were running from the police. One by one, his teammates fell behind and were amassed into the raving bulk of wailing sirens and sprinting officers -- Akira had felt his heart beat faster until he couldn't take any more...

He solemnly grabbed his keys to Leblanc and put them and his phone in his jacket pocket. He carefully silenced the door chimes as he left the cafe. In the moonless night sky, Akira saw a myriad of jeweled stars flickering with their cold incandescence. The chill fall air invigorated his choked lungs.

In the termination of his dream, he was the last one. Akira's heart threatened to rip right out of his ribcage; his throat became hoarse and scratched like sandpaper when he breathed. He put up a long chase for what seemed to be endless time -- he was Joker, the criminal running from the authorities, the elusive leader of the Thieves. They still caught him though. As the metal cuffs harshly snapped to his wrists, Caroline and Justine walked up and they both crouched to whisper in his ears...

The loud sound of a motorbike driving in front of him startled Akira out of his melancholic remembrance. By the time he reactively stepped back against the cafe's front wall, the scooter was already down the street, its driver hopelessly anonymous in the wind. Akira furrowed his brows in ambiguous emotion. Part of him thanked the driver for the liberation from his dreadful recounting, and the other parts cursed them for taking away the clarity of the dream's message.

_What did they say?_

Akira sighed and stretched out his legs -- he remembered the stretches Ryuji showed him from track. First the hamstring, then the thighs... he let out a hoarse gasp as a knee popped rather achingly. With the dull pain came a sudden connection.

_Caroline and Justine mentioned something about emancipation._

Clarity began to resurface about the dream. If he wanted to analyze the events of his dreams, Akira realized he couldn't use emotional resistance. The pits of his stomach dropped at the thought of recalling his teammates' deaths -- the mere surface of that memory already brought tears to well in his slate grey eyes.

As he walked away from his home, Akira had a premonition that this would be quite the painful knot to unravel.

_Better to stay out here and not wake up Morgana, then._

After a bit of walking under the starry moonless sky, Akira found himself at the gate to Sojiro and Futaba's house. He noted that all was dark in the building; not even Futaba was up at this hour. He leaned against the brick wall for a quick rest, and forcefully recalled Futaba's role in his dream.

_When she fell, what did she say? "Don't forget about...the interests of people." That seems uncharacteristic of Futaba, but maybe there's more to it than that..._

Akira sighed in vexation and rubbed his frigid fingers together, hidden in the long sleeves of the jacket. He studied the North Star, Polaris, above him in the dark sky. It was said to be a navigational marker in ancient times; he drew a heartfelt comparison between the Thieves' navigator and the star. He froze in all his movement when a sudden realization hit him like a truck.

_I was never looking behind me when I ran. How do I know how everyone died?_

His hands began to shake -- Akira wasn't sure whether to chalk it up to the cold or another nervous tick. He knew it was bad to stay still in such a chill temperature. He decided to keep walking. He found his legs taking him to the Shibuya station. The bright lights of the subway flickered occasionally as he scaled down the railed stairway -- not a soul was to be found around.

For a brief moment, Akira panicked; his hands frantically dug into the pockets of his jacket with anxiety. A sigh escaped the teen as his hands located the sought-after pass and an additional couple thousand yen. He would have to thank Sojiro later for drilling him about being prepared for everything. His hand swiped the card almost thoughtlessly over the gate. Akira's heart murmured nervously as he heard his footsteps sullenly echo across the platform. A memory suddenly came to mind of him and Ann -- she had lost her card once and requested his help in getting back home for her spare. The same girl he helped in reality was mute in his dream.

_When Ann fell, she never said anything. What could the silence mean? Do she and I not communicate enough? I use her in the squad makeup often though..._

Akira refocused as a train arrived at the platform. A few tired employees in suits shuffled onto the tiling. They smelled of an alcoholic binge, and Akira held his breath in with disgusted fervor. Compared to the fresh fall air, they almost reeked. As the haggard employees walked by, they hardly paid any mind to the teenager. When they had left the platform, Akira took out his phone to check the temperature and weather forecast.

_9 degrees Celsius...and a forecast for snow around 4? That's early this year..._

A message box appeared at the edge of the screen; a quick flick of the finger revealed two text messages from... Yusuke? The train rumbled away on the tracks, leaving Akira to ponder the mysterious texts alone.

_This early in the morning? Why does he need me to talk to?_

Akira put a temporary halt to figuring out his dream in lieu of reading the messages Yusuke sent him. He tapped the chat box with the tip of his frigid thumb.

_3:13 -- I need you to come to the Meiji Shrine._  
_3:16 -- It is of dire importance... I fear._

Akira spaced out when he read the texts. As an afterthought, he sent a reply.

3:18 -- What's going on?

He was disparately thrown back to his dream once more -- this time he remembered what Ryuji yelled before he died.

_"I hope you have the chance to save someone's life!"_

The metallic gaze of Ryuji in his nightmare was too intense. Akira made sure he was alone in the station before he let out his repressed emotion. His gut and lungs clenched in a vicious heave of labored sobs and coughs; Akira stayed a broken mess right up to the next train arrival several minutes later. His ears barely registered the platform announcement.

His whole body wanted to curl up and find the sweet respite of sleep, but Akira knew better. He needed to get up and keep walking, lest he injured himself through hypothermia or frostbite. He shook the fatigue from his limbs and stood when the train doors opened, rubbing the tears away from his puffed up eyelids. The cold was numbing as he looked at his phone again.

Akira felt time slow as he read the new message sent to him, breath ceasing in shock.

_3:21 -- I desperately need assistance. I can't feel my leg._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, this story takes place in an AU where the Persona 5 plotline is stretched out across multiple years. I think it lets the plot of the game receive more depth. This event would have happened sometime in late November, and following my AU idea, would have taken place some time after Futaba's palace.
> 
> (Bonus tags for this chapter include: "Akira Is Emotionally Stressed", "It's Cold Outside", and "Emotionally Charged Scene".)

Akira's thoughts jolted into a panicked mess.

_Is he in danger?! He should have just said so from the get-go!_

Akira's fingers hastened to send a quick reassurance to his teammate; he was really confused now as to why Yusuke was out at Meiji this time of night, in such cold weather. More than anything, he was concerned and fearful of actually losing a team member in reality.

3:21 -- Are you okay? Are you outside?

Akira looked up to see the train doors getting ready to close. The display said the train was going to Meiji Jingumae next. He sprinted across the remainder of the platform -- barely in time to get on before the doors slid shut behind him. The raven-haired teen sighed and leaned against the doors in his flash sweat. The train began to rumble forward, and he sloppily took a seat on the nearest bench. The car was empty of other people, giving Akira the liberty to vocalize his ruminations.

"Why...is Yusuke at the Meiji Shrine? Did he find the lead to a new target...? And more importantly, why at this time of night? It's dangerous..."

He took his phone back out. There were two more messages from Yusuke.

3:23 -- I fear for my life, Akira. I am alone.

3:23 -- I am outside, at the shrine itself. It is bitterly cold.

Another ghosting memory flitted across the breadth of Akira's vision. His head fell upon his hands, and in the reflective floor of the train, he saw a crying fool.

\---

Yusuke was an eccentric person Akira should have (under normal circumstances) never met.

The first time they had locked eyes, that differentiated day in Shibuya, was the meeting where Ann was shocked by the model offer and Ryuji had seemed affronted. Akira, as he explored the irises of the strange boy, thought that there was no importance to be had in such an interaction -- it was just a request for Ann (and, of course, he was going to help Ryuji defend her from the apparent creep).

When he came back to Leblanc that evening, swimming in curious workings about Yusuke and who he really was, Akira had described the event to Sojiro. He had braced himself for some variety of the barista's elderly cynicism -- and was shocked when only pure advice escaped his mouth.

"There's a saying I once heard a foreigner say, right here in this cafe. I believe it goes: 'don't judge a book by its cover'. Perhaps you should try it."

Akira found himself getting caught on all the idealistic snags and mannerisms of the strange boy he had grown to know over the past months. The way Yusuke's hair was parted and fell idiosyncratically to one cheek, the identical snack that he kept eating at every meeting, the subtle frame he made to note finer details...

He really fell into the artist's heartbreaking life. Akira never wanted to admit this to anyone, but there was a tiny sliver of him that wanted to show him the inner workings of the human existence, that wanted to enlighten his understanding of human longing and persistence. There was so much about Yusuke that tugged and screamed at his heart like a deprived and abandoned child...so much like himself.

One morning, the raven-haired teen discovered a picturesque event that ignited a burning passion within him. On the morning after Yusuke had spent his last night at Leblanc (after they obtained Sayuri), Akira had woken up from one of his graphic nightmares. He heard a strange string of distant sighs and coughs emanating through the woodwork. Morgana noticed Akira had woken up and mentioned the sounds to him right away.

Akira used all his skill to sneak down the stairs and look into the cafe out of sight.

He wasn't prepared emotionally.

He first noticed the passive sighs and wheezing coming from the floor; their source was a swaddled mess of blankets, defeated and heaving as if dying. A shift of the blanket's motion revealed ruffled blue hair from someone underneath -- Yusuke, Akira was sure. He then saw that Sayuri was leaning against one of the booths nearby.

The display before him was raw emotion. It seemed all the grace and décor of the reserved artist had been painfully stripped away. Yusuke was rocking ever so slightly underneath the blanket, wheezing and making dry sobbing sounds...

Akira couldn't take the realization that sickened him. One hand quickly suppressed a gasp of nauseated fervor. The coughs, the blanket swaddle beneath Sayuri...

_He's trying to re-experience the feeling of being an infant in his mother's arms._

_He's trying to cry._

_He can't cry or remember that feeling because of emotional trauma._

_Yusuke doesn't know how to cry. He'll never know what having parents are like...._

Akira stumbled back up the stairs and buried himself in his blankets, shutting out the light of the fresh morning sun. His eyes swam with melancholy and nausea because he knew Madarame had stolen Yusuke's childhood completely. He curled into a ball and blocked out his senses.

He was fearful of this exactly happening -- he had promised Yusuke that the Phantom Thieves would make life a better experience by correcting Madarame...

And Akira made a lie.

He felt so guilty for saying that prematurely. He should have known the damage done was irreversible. Akira felt his innards twist and turn in psychosomatic stress, berating himself over and over again because the innocent look on Yusuke's face when he made that promise seemed so...

...rewarding.

Akira hated everything except the deprived artist. He despised himself the most because he had become one of the many harmful people Yusuke had known throughout his entire life...

He fell asleep to a heartbeat of crushed dreams and a migraine of solemnity.

\---

Akira shakenly wobbled off the train when it reached Meiji Jingumae. The remaining blocks up the hill to the shrine were unearthly torture; the wind seemed to be out for his life. The gale kicked up such a bitter cold that Akira was instantly reminded of the feeling of being frozen by one of Madarame's skills...

The teenager considered the possibility that he could very well die of hypothermia out in this weather. If Yusuke, the specializer of ice attacks on the team, was having such a troubling time, then Akira weighed himself to be screwed over by the situation.

Nonetheless, he possessed one trait that helped him endure all obstacles to the Phantom Thieves of Hearts: loyalty. As he scaled the hill steps to the shrine, he limited his thoughts to his teammate alone.

"Never give in to despair." Yusuke had told him that in his dream.

_If you tell me to, I won't give up. If you tell me to, I will save you and the team. If you tell me to, I will best the odds and punch the future in its ever-deserving face._

These thoughts and more ran through Akira's mind as he reached the top of the stairway. The wind by then had brought in snow, as the damning forecast predicted. A thin sheet of white dusted and danced above the packed grounds of the shrine terrace. Shredded paper lanterns swayed and flapped in the wind, hopelessly killed of all light in the trying natural force.

There was a whirlwind of emotion in Akira's heart when he didn't immediately see Yusuke anywhere. He looked wide and far for a sign of him; it wasn't until he heard a familiar wheezing sound did he turn and find someone underneath one of the trees -- they were unmistakable.

Akira's eyes squinted and blinked against the snow circumventing his glasses. He stumbled and slided over to Yusuke's crumpled form, falling hard on his knees next to the endangered artist.

"Y-Yusuke! What t-the hell are you d-doing here?!" Akira couldn't keep the chatter of his teeth out of the dialogue.

"...Akira...?" The artist turned over on the ground gingerly, his sickly red fingers juxtaposing and disguising the sallow complexion of the artist's skin. "I was...exploring my persona..."

Akira immediately noticed that Yusuke was sitting in a weird position, almost cradling one of his shins. His instinct screamed of injury.

As his hand gently reached out to touch it, Yusuke shied away from the contact.

The artist's voice hoarsely scratched the air between them in begging. "P-Please don't-t touch it-t."

The words were crushing confirmation to Akira. "It's b-broken."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone please get our poor boys a blanket... and a roll of duct tape for Arsene's trash-talking mouth.
> 
> (This chapter was brought to you by early morning inspiration. You're welcome.)

Akira's eyes widened in shock and instant concern, glasses fogging up with the breath he exhaled. His anger broke the chattering of his teeth. "It's broken?! Why didn't you tell me that earlier?!"

Yusuke flinched. "Akira, don't be so loud..." He curled up even tighter into a ball. "I am certain I broke my shin after I had texted you. I would like to find a way out of the cold." He displayed his freezing hands. "If it isn't too much to ask."

Akira stood against the maelstrom of wind and snow. He didn't even know where to begin looking for shelter.

_Nothing more than 50 feet. I can't risk Yusuke's injury becoming worse._

_"Fool."_

_....? Arsene?_

_"He's gone for."_

_To hell with that. You know that's not true._

_"His personality is despicable. Don't you see that? The boy's persona cannot even handle its own element being used against it... How deplorable."_

"Dammit, I said that's NOT TRUE!" Akira slammed his fist into the tree bark near him. "I'm tired of games, Arsene! Tell me what I need to do!"

Yusuke had flinched when the bark above him was hit; he observed Akira's paroxysm with a weary interest.

_"Only the flames of passion can save you from the encroaching ice."_

_Arsene...please..._

Akira felt the cold hijacking his hands -- they now felt restrictive and bound by the frigid air.

The artist pulled himself up from his grounded position, leaning heavily and laboriously on a branch. Yusuke now looked directly at Akira's thoughtful face in wonder.

_Show me something...Anything..._

"Akira. Goemon has just given me a suggestion. There are often keeper's shacks behind shrines such as these, he says. I believe it is our only option to survive this weather."

_You see, Arsene? Yusuke isn't completely helpless. I'm still helping him because there's hope!_

"Here, then. Lean on me for support."

The artist snaked an arm around Akira's shoulders without hesitation; a chill traveled down Akira's spine as he felt Yusuke's fingers brush his nape.

_God, he's a popsicle!_

The first step Yusuke took was excruciating -- Akira felt the spasms from Yusuke's broken leg as he tried to stay upright, and the raven-haired teen cried on the inside. Just under the roaring wind, he could make out hoarse gasping from his injured friend; they hastened to get around the shrine with much willpower.

"Yusuke...You can make it. Look, that's the shack, right?" Akira glanced down at Yusuke's hunched form -- his head bobbed ever so slightly, which belied a slipping consciousness. "Yusuke?!" The artist's limbs felt like a yoke of icicles hanging around the shorter teen's neck.

_No, no, no... this is bad... he's going into hypothermic shock..._

Akira shouldered the new weight, trying to keep Yusuke off his broken shin. He made a plethora of draining steps before he managed to get to the shack door.

Yusuke started to slip away. A well-timed and instinctive reaction had Akira quickly catching Yusuke in a tentative lunge -- the slippery ground intensified the stretch. Akira felt his hamstrings flare up at the sudden contraction; yet Yusuke was still upright.

_That hurts... Ow... I should've stretched more..._

_"Boy. What do you hope to accomplish in this piteous struggle?"_

_I can't lose him Arsene._

_"Why do you rely on this frail toy of an animal if he only brings you down?"_

_Stop it Arsene, he's not a wild beast... I believe that he's human._

Akira clenched his frozen fists around Yusuke's lax spine.

_Why is my persona disagreeing with me!?_

_"....HA. Haha...hehehehe....."_

Arsene's laughter rippled away into the distance, leaving Akira without further direct harassment. He had done his psychological change. The raven-haired teen had received the seeds of doubt about whether Yusuke was really worth all the trouble. He had felt a minor cognitive shift in his core, tempting him to leave it all behind.

The wind wailed in his ears and into the pores of his frosted skin. The situation pressed upon him en force -- there was no time to gander at the unseen.

Akira had a mission, he was reminded. He refused to let Arsene bully him into killing Yusuke. That was ludicrous. Despicable. Abhorred.

But as he struggled on with the dead weight of the eccentric boy, Akira was reminded of the ambiguity of his dream.

If he failed or let Yusuke die......who would really notice in the pitch black darkness....?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have way more content, I promise! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira remembers how to start a fire -- common sense, I know. But since this is in a blizzard, it requires proficiency, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this takes up time on a phone, jeez. I will try my best to get more regular updates. For now, enjoy.

Cold resonated through his marrow.

Darkness and snow harrowed his vision.

Weight dragged along beside him.

Akira thought he was trapped in another nightmare. An inescapable one. The kind of nightmare that you knew couldn't possibly be real because of how bleak it was. And yet...

And yet there was only one reason Akira recognised the waking world around him. He had almost forgot...yes. Yusuke was still dragging along, unconsciously broken.

_Where is the hope in all this?_

Akira, trapped inside his dying hope, walked right into the wall of the shack. There was a cracking sound from somewhere, masqueraded by the blizzard. He was jolted back into the dull pain of reality.

He knocked a hole in the door. It had a lock, ironically. Akira didn't bother to even contemplate the penalties vandalism would have on his record. He was beyond the point of caring for the law in this damned weather.

All that mattered was both of them surviving. Another aching kick to the door shattered splinters into the snow. There was now a sizeable aperture to squeeze one of them through.

Akira laboriously laid Yusuke in the growing snow in front of the door, feet away. The raven-haired teen gradually squatted and shimmied through the hole. It was even darker inside the one-room structure, shelves and stacks of wood barely discernable in the freezing gloom.

He turned and gently tugged Yusuke in through the door by his forearms, wincing as his shirt caught and tore on a jagged wood extrusion. Akira briefly felt along Yusuke's frigid back for cuts. His frigid digits traced the contours of the taller teen's spine.

Akira couldn't feel anything with his hands. He stood dizzily and dragged out pieces of wood from the nearest pile.

_Remember what that survival book said. Friction, not speed. Dry wood. Don't smother the embers right away. Be...practical..._

Akira felt his balance waver. He dropped crudely to one knee on the packed ground, setting up the initial embers for his emergency fire. He made sure the roof above him was open for the smoke. His palms buzzed with the twist of the stick against the wood grain.

_Arsene, help me. I don't know if Yusuke and I are going to survive this. If I die right now, you know you'll become the same. For both of us...please._

There was silence...and then...

_"I hear thou, boy. You have sound logic and an enduring spirit, even if it is wasted upon the survival of your friends. I have not been idle nor ignorant of your struggle. Look."_

Akira gasped as a small spark burst from the friction. The dry wood quickly gave way to the growing combustion, emitting a soulful aura of life-giving warmth and security.

He stared into the depths of the orange ember glowing around the wood, watching mesmerised as ashes begat themselves upon the dirt. The light flickered in his grey eyes, filing them with a recharging endurance that pervaded his spirit without remorse.

_Arsene, I...._

But his persona had retreated into the recesses of his mind before he could sincerely offer thanks. Akira felt guilty somehow, but he couldn't place why.

He piled stones around the fire to contain it; wood was moved nearby to keep piling the flames. His hands shook uncontrollably as they set the contents of his jacket pockets upon the ground.

Yusuke was dragged closer to the flickering flames and their hopeful heat. In the illumination, Akira saw how close he was to death.

The artist's face belied a serenity that could only be known to the comatose or the truly deceased. Yet, as Akira fearfully searched for a pulse at the crook of his neck, he knew somehow in his heart that the eccentric boy was alive.

Cloth tarps were frantically pulled down from the shelves. Akira sorted through them with his frozen hands, laying them all on his friend's endangered body.

The conscious teen bravely confronted the chilling air as he took off his jacket and sweatpants. He sloppily folded them and set them underneath both of their heads for a makeshift pillow. The last thing he wanted was to choke on his own saliva as his body tried to work out the insipid cold.

With one last quick glance around, Akira slipped gingerly underneath the covers with Yusuke. He made sure his feet were covered before entwining his arms around the thinner teen's waist.

His heart raced in anticipation as Akira desperately placed an ear flush to Yusuke's ribcage.

_Let him live._

_Don't kill him, please, even if he made a mistake._

A hand made its way up to the side of Yusuke's slender and blued face. Akira felt half-frozen tears slide down his cheeks as he explored the details of the artist's face. He opened his lips to utter words he knew would not receive response.

"Here, all this time....I thought you were so strange. Why did you come here, Yu-"

Akira stopped his soft chiding and removed his glasses.

_Did his eyes just flutter underneath their lids? I could've swore...they moved..._

He placed his glasses above his head, near his phone and other assorted items. As Akira looked back down, he felt twitching fingers at his stomach.

His hands grasped Yusuke's and wrapped them around his lower back. Akira semi-consciously melted into the artist's warming body. His thawing fingers threaded through the snow-specked indigo hair, gently working out any tangles.

Akira didn't even remotely consider if any of this was morally questionable for him. He felt bad that Yusuke broke his shin -- that needed looked at later -- and somehow, Akira couldn't bring himself to call up an excuse.

What mattered now was not questions of sexuality.

He had prevented the disasters of his nightmare successfully. Yusuke was not dead, Arsene was no longer harassing his wielder...

Akira looked into Yusuke's sleeping face with...contentment.

_He would never let me do this in reality._

"Yusuke...."

Akira gently placed his ear over the artist's solemnly beating heart once more, feeling a wave of relentless relief warm his bones and muscles.

"I didn't kill you...did I...?"

It was an unanswered question, never to be heard by its intended recipient.

Akira sloppily threw another log on the fire next to their shivering forms, then promptly fell asleep in the warmth.

And so the two recovered, in firelight and snowfall. The wind raged harshly though the holes in the shack, but it could not quench the ignition of Akira's passion.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I typed this up on my phone. Sorry for the late update...

_"JOKER!!!"_

_"I hope you have the chance to save a life....!"_

_"Run! I'll distract them!"_

_"Go! Please...!"_

 

_"Joker, go on! I will keep them at bay!"_

_"They shall not take you! I call thee, GOEMON!"_

_"FOX!!"_

_"Arsene, SHOW THEM HELL."_

 

_"Fox, you can't just quit... Hey! Stay with me!"_

_"My life...what did it mean...?"_

_"Why did you have to ask that?! Nothing's over yet, come on!"_

_"Akira, I want you...to...kiss my forehead."_

_"...There."_

_"Hm. Never...give in to despair...."_

 

_"Fox....!"_

_"I can't live without you.... You made my life what it is...."_

_"I don't care if people call you an animal, a weird freak of art, whatever the hell they make up!"_

_"You ground me and keep me in check. I'll slip into the sky if you don't hold me down, Fox...."_

_"..."_

_"I can't do this alone..."_

\-------

_Snowflakes....?_

Akira's eyes fluttered under their lids at the gentle sensation on his tender cheeks. The chill nature of the feeling dug into his warmed skin.

The cold seemed to dance along his jawline, a whispering and drawing wind ghosting along the veins of his neck...

_Am I dreaming still....?_

_..._

_No. This moment is too serene. Maybe I died..._

He leaned back as the sensation tickled his chin. Warm and loving light spread through his entire being. Akira shivered in satisfaction before curling around an unseen object.

He couldn't figure out what the object was. It was animate. It mirrored his actions. It was tranquil and shining.....

With his fingertips on the ground, he felt the rushing blood in his ears ring out. He had shattered his abstract dreams with the condemnation of reality.

He was in the same place all along. The cryogenic weather was the same, the shack was the same...

But he was not the same.

No. Akira focused on that gentle sensation on his cheek with intentionally childish naïveté, leaning into the sensation...

A pulse! A spark of life!

The teen grasped at his cheek and felt foreign fingers caressing his snow-beaten skin.

He knew who it was without looking.

Akira resolved himself to a gentle hum of appreciation and contentment. He realised Yusuke had awakened before him, but that didn't make a shred of dissonance in his thoughts.

A timidly sonorous voice resonated into Akira's temple.

"You're awake now...?"

Akira felt the fingers withdraw without opening his eyes. His body subconsciously followed after the movement, wistfully depending on the support of skin contact.

Not a moment passed before their tangled limbs untwined as well. Akira never remembered that ever happening. Not that he could complain about it being an issue.

There was a harsh inhale.

"...are you...mad...?"

Akira kept his eyes blissfully shut. He tried to feign dreaming, letting his hands travel to the base of Yusuke's spine in an innocent hug. He slowly rested his curly hair against the slender teen's collarbone, feeling the inspiring beat of Yusuke's heart...

"...Akira..."

Not a detail made any sense collectively.

Yusuke's core was burning, yet his fingers were ice to the touch...

"Are you, perhaps, still asleep? I'm sorry for bothering you then..."

_You never bother me. How could you? You're too lovable for that._

_Wait...he's lovable..._

_Of course. I would never let it be any other way._

Akira heard a sigh from the taller male. The sound rumbled through their bodies with a gracious level of serendipity.

"I have never seen snowfall this terrible."

Akira felt a hand comb through his curls languidly, savouring the touch without betraying his awakened state. His curiosity was egging him on extremely well, and Yusuke seemed none the more aware.

"There has only been one other moment in my life like this. When I was a younger child, Sen-..."

Akira heard a gulp.

"...Sensei would take all of his pupils up into the mountains occasionally for landscape study. There was one particularly harsh winter season where we were trapped in our lodging."

"Nakanohara...was trapped in the snow away from the lodge. Rescuers were sent out...I feared. Sensei was extremely furious with us all."

"When we returned to the atelier, I discovered that Nakanohara was isolated under no coincidence. My eye had discovered a ruined painting with a very crass message etched just for Sensei... I could only conclude that Nakanohara wanted to sabotage."

Yusuke's hands ceased their absent-minded ministrations in Akira's hair.

"...I shiver to think that it could have been me under that cruel punishment. Thankfully, Sensei saw me as...his favourite. Sickeningly ironic, to think that my life is full of pluck such as that..."

Akira let out a puff of breath in empathy. He thought that would tip him off to Yusuke; the boy thanked every power he knew that the artist was very much an airhead.

He wanted so badly -- with all his core -- to assure Yusuke. That knot Arsene tied was back in his mind again, and he really didn't feel like breaking up this tender moment with some realism.

_The weather...can be damned. I want to see where this goes._

The fire's crackle descended upon the ensuing silence.

Akira planned up an only-ever-so-slightly suggestive interaction between himself and his artist crush in his head. His imagination took it way out of control, to the point that Akira thought he was dreaming.

_Heavens, would I ever do THAT to him?! Will I ever.... Stay awake. No weirdly perverted dreams while cuddling. Stop it. Weirdo._

Akira felt his heart pang with longing as he watched the dancing firelight over Yusuke's shoulder.

_Yeah. You don't know that he even likes guys. What the hell made you go to that conclusion? What if he's just emotionally lonely and broken?_

_Then...._

_That makes me gay._

_"That's real rich."_

_Oh, hi. I still hate you._

_"Be assertive, wallflower. What makes you think love is an unconquerable divide?"_

_Since when were you a damned guru? Get out of here, Arsene. Stop bothering me._

_"Hehehe... He's a weakling. You know it in your heart."_

Akira's fingers twitched in their relaxed state around Yusuke's spine.

_Will you give it up already? This disconnect between us is really pissing on my parade._

_"Laughable."_

Arsene receded once more. Akira realised he was tightly grasping the fabric of Yusuke's shirt in his palms. His breath fogged over the artist's neck in close proximity.

_So where do I go from here? Now I'm nervous..._

Gentle snores placated Akira's wayward thoughts. He relaxed. There was no need to think of explanations for his behaviour if Yusuke was asleep.

He leaned over to toss more wood on the fire.

_Now. How to get him home._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support, everyone! It brings me a lot of joy! My life has gotten a bit busy (even though it's summer here in the US).
> 
> Please leave any criticism you have in the comments; I greatly appreciate it! Enjoy! XD

Akira adopted the position of a shogi player, pondering what his next move might be. Metaphorically, his vital pawn was in quite a trap. Yusuke's shin was likely broken, proving quite an obstacle to all the strategies Akira was conjuring up...

His stomach rumbled with hunger, summoning the leader from his concerns. The sound seemed to thunder in his ears. He wished he could be in bed, at Leblanc, waking up on a frosty Saturday morning to make some warm black coffee for himself...

In his musings, a sudden solution struck him as painfully obvious.

_Damn! I've been so concerned for no reason! He doesn't have to go back to Kosei right away -- it's Saturday anyway! I can take him straight to Leblanc...!_

Akira removed himself and stood up from his cuddled embrace with his teammate. His eyes greeted the sight unfolding below him with curiousity and awe.

Yusuke seemed to curl up as a fetus in the absence of Akira's form, hair tussled and splayed over his face. An innocent smile graced his open lips as they let out warm breath into the frigid air. The artist's trade-worn hands grasped at the pillow made from Akira's clothes and pressed them into his face.

As, perhaps, a child might with a blanket.

_I wish I could kiss him right now...._

_"Ahem."_

_Yeah, Arsene. I get it. You dislike my sappy and overtly gay shyness._

_"I simply want to survive this unnecessary escapade."_

_Sure you do._

Akira shuffled over to his phone and leaned down, flipping it over to check the time: 10:28. An anguished yawn spilled into the space of the shack, unmistakeably from Yusuke waking up.

"...Akira?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

The loneliness was dripping from the words. "I wondered if you had left me here..."

_...to think I had considered that earlier this morning..._

"...but I see my waking anxiety is unfounded."

Akira adopted a weak smile to hide his shame and quickly moved to change the subject. "How's your leg doing?"

"Well..." Yusuke moved aside the cloth covers. He pressed his fingers in various areas around his shin to locate the break. Both of them recognized the exact spot by the sudden cry of pain ilicited from Yusuke.

"Are you going to be okay...?"

The artist grimaced and looked up at Akira. "I would be lying if I said it gives me no pain."

"That's pretty blunt of you to say, so I guess it really hurts. I thought of a way to get us out of here, by the way..." Akira scratched his nose meekly. "But....it's not free of discomfort or snow. None of our options are."

"I understand, Akira. Were you thinking of helping me to a hospital?"

"Uh...." He desparately repressed his panic in several shaky coughs.

_"What will you tell him? He seems so concerned of his injuries... You could lie."_

_No Arsene. I'm taking him to Leblanc._

_"How selfish. You want to have your way with him."_

_It's not like that. I just...._

"...Akira, are you alright? You look despairing..." Yusuke held up a hand timidly. The body language he was showing singularly screamed of ultimate concern for Akira.

The shorter teen grinned reactively. "Just thinking, sorry. I'm taking you to Leblanc first."

Yusuke adopted a genuinely befuddled countenance. "Why are you deciding that?"

Akira was unprepared for that response. His mind scrambled for an adequate explanation, some excuse that Yusuke would believe...

_"You're deceiving him again, boy."_

Akira could not be mad at Arsene for that acerbic note. When he promised a better life for Yusuke, back when Madarame had leisure over the artist's life, that in itself was an assumption...

That fateful day in the cafe was the precedent for all of Akira's deceptions; they weighed on him like shackles and chains, as if meaning to drag him through the trough of the netherworld of human existence. This new selfishness for Yusuke's existence was...

Depressing.

Akira's tears betrayed the true state of his emotions. He sat on the ground in paralysis, unaware, unfeeling. His eyelids closed in weariness and defeat, masking his vision in repressed darkness.

_I try to fight it so hard, Arsene. Where do I go wrong? Why can't I be free of my guilt and imprisonment?_

_"Thus it is so that you confirm my assertion. Boy, realize that love for another is shackles in itself. Your humanity and empathy for those around you upsets the state of your existence; you shall be torn asunder by the insignificant myriad bonds you chain to your core."_

Impossibly canny in timing, a cold hand grasped his. The digits moved to rest his on a soft and smooth surface. A faithful pulse flickered under his fingertips, foreign yet familiar, anchoring yet energising...

Akira breathed in sharply when his hands were fully covered in a frigid cage of fingers. His thoughts seemed to dance away in the gentle pressing of his hands...

A tender voice evocated him.

"What is the matter with you, Akira? I am here...you have saved me from my mistakes..."

Akira forced his eyes to embrace the light.

There were no words he could possibly put to paper to describe the overwhelming emotion and love his heart absorbed instantaneously. Akira felt as if he were drowning in soulfulness.

The cold he felt was unmistakeably, undeniably Yusuke's fingers, clasping and pulling on Akira's in intense empathy. All was set over the living tempo of the artist's exposed skin...

_Exposed skin!?_

Without regard for embarrassment or misperception, Yusuke had shamelessly pulled aside the fabric of his shirt to let Akira feel his heartbeat clearly. The leader swore that the skin beneath his palm was sculpted in marble.

_Doesn't he realize this gesture is something lovers do?_

_What if he's doing it for that purpose....?_

Akira's shocked gaze traveled up the line of Yusuke's collarbone, relishing (totally not devouring) the subtle lighting across the artist's skin and displayed veins. He finally met the inquisitive countenance given by the taller teen.

Lips slightly ajar, nose and cheeks flushed red from the blowing snow. Dark hair, disheveled, casted locks across a pale face worthy of even Michelangelo's craftsmanship...

His irises had shed their normal cloudy colour. Akira was intensively reminded of the shade the sky adopts halfway between midnight and dawn, neither painfully dark nor light in hue. The firelight casted heavenly stars in his eyes, brimming with emerging tears from an intense stare.

The curious state of Yusuke's expression shattered Akira's cracked heart into a pile of flutters and caught breath. He barely registered the words that were spoken to him.

"I'm sorry for dealing this confusing action to you. I could not think of another motion to pull you from your...emotion." Yusuke stared at the ground in apparent shame.

"You...don't need to apologize, Yusuke."

"I believe I do. I have invaded your personal space so frequently today, and I feel remiss to not give you proper respect..."

Akira put the puzzle pieces given to him together. He began to understand that Yusuke was doing this out of pure selflessness, with disregard to his own sense of social ethics...

"Seriously, though, don't apologize for that! You're embarrassing me..." Akira rubbed his neck sheepishly and put on his glasses. A wide smile supported the glint in his eyes. "I just tend to be a sentimental person sometimes, that's all..."

Yusuke blinked and released Akira's hand from his hold. The artist shivered at the loss of warmth and shyly readjusted his shirt. His eyes never lost their depth as they avoided Akira's expression.

"I do not believe that you are simply a sentimental person. I know that you have an unfathomable current of emotion flowing within. I know that you are worthy of praise and portrayal beyond doubt." Yusuke folded his hands in his lap. "Akira, you are these, complex beyond simplicity."

The artist flinched at the loud laugh Akira gave off, echoing around the shack walls in merry fervor and relief. "Oh, Yusuke...you're so clueless that it hurts when I laugh..." The shorter teen doubled over in laughter, lightly slapping the ground with a hand.

"W-What is so funny!?"

"..." Akira looked up starkly serious from his mirth. "You're so earnest and sincere all the time..."

"Is that a problem...?"

"Ah, n-not at all... I just laugh whenever you act super emotional around anyone." Akira smirked. "It's... Well..."

"It's....what? I'm afraid that I don't fully understand what you're trying to convey."

_If I kissed you, would that give you understanding?_

"It's just how I react around you, that's all." Akira took his jacket and sweatpants from the ground and shook them out. With the flick of a wrist, his personality had slid back into its normal self. Calm, collected, cool.

"Are we preparing to leave now?" Yusuke somberly questioned.

"Yeah. I'd rather not stay out in this cold too long. I want you to explain why all this happened once we get back, deal?"

Yusuke nodded. Both of their stomachs growled in unison. Akira chuckled at the perplexed look on Yusuke's face. "Over some curry, yeah?"

"Yes. I cannot pass up your excellent deal, dear friend."

As Akira put out the fire and placed the unused wood back, he felt a great happiness and hope flood his emotions.

_I'm so glad I rescued him._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than normal, but something is better than nothing! :)

The two Phantom Thieves were fortunate, if the dying wind was anything to consider. Snow fell in abbreviated amounts here and there, adding to the distinct and pristine sea of crystallized water. The trees were now unfamiliar, dimly reflecting any cloud-filtered sunlight with a unique sparkle of ice.

It was as if the world had been grasped in the arms of General Winter itself, cradled in a delicately frozen embrace.

Akira was more than glad to take in this sight as he looked outside. He trembled with an odd feeling of excitement and adventure, brimming with newly resurfaced memories of snowplay as a child.

After catching his wandering thoughts, he shook his head gently.

_Goals. No snowball fights yet._

He stretched out his limbs sensitively while holding his jacket and sweats, vaguely recalling the exact same action earlier that morning. The teen gave a raw sigh of contentment at the pop resounding in his neck.

"Was that a bone cracking!? Are you alright....?"

Akira turned from the door to face Yusuke, who was obviously looking confused at the sudden noise. "I was just popping my neck..."

"That's a comfortable thing...? I was always told by Sensei it gave arthritis... I would hate to go stiff at a young age...." Yusuke brushed a strand of hair away from his left brow. "...to each their own..."

Akira chuckled heartily. "You wait here. I'm going to get something."

He could feel more confused looks burrowing into his back as he shuffled through the hole in the door.

The difference in temperature wasn't grand, but it existed. Akira found the cold much more bearable -- maybe it was psychosomatic.

His limbs worked to fit through the sleeves of the pants and jacket. The fabric still felt the same...but there was a curious smell about them that he couldn't place right away.

Akira constantly sniffed his sleeve while looking around in the trees nearby.

_A good branch should serve as a good crutch. I just need to find one...hopefully I don't need Arsene's help._

_*Sniff* Why do my clothes smell like...mint? What the hell? Did Kawakami change the soap again?_

_..._

_No. It's not detergent. It's too subtle. Body or hair wash, but I don't use mint-based --_

_!!!_

Akira flushed a rather rosy shade as he stood straight, facing up at the racing cloud cover in the transitioning sky. Small patches of crisp blue seeped through in a natural mosaic.

_Yusuke... uses a mint-scented body wash, I never even noticed... Now the smell is all over my clothes..._

The teen remained deeply distracted by his lovestruck thoughts as he searched for the perfect branch. His mind seemed to berate him with a very fantastic tangent on what else Yusuke might smell like...

Akira's shoes crunched upon a tell-tale hidden branch.

He saw a bushy tail disappear into the whitened forest, rustic red in a dash of survivalist fear.

_A fox. Or...was it a youkai....?_

He was no longer thinking about scents and aromas as he returned with a walking stick in hand -- Akira's musings were now occupied by the mysterious unidentified animal that had flitted away from his vision.

A friendly sonorous voice focused his attention as he shimmied through the door's hole.

"You are very thoughtful, Akira." Yusuke smiled briskly. "Er... Is something bothering you?"

Akira smirked slyly. "I think I saw a fox out there, in the snow. Coincidence?"

"Perhaps. How am I leaving this structure?"

"Same way we came in!" Akira flashed a grin as he laid the stick in the snow behind him.

Heavy silence filled the chill space between the two Thieves.

"How... did you get me in here?"

"I kind of dragged you in on your back... Oh! That reminds me!" Akira swiftly crossed the floor before resting on his knees next to Yusuke's back.

"Is something amiss...?" The artist glanced at Akira over his right shoulder.

"Your shirt has a tear in the back from when I got you in here, so I need to check for cuts." Warm hands gently checked along the exterior of Yusuke's spinal column for abrasions or disturbances.

_"You are having your way with him."_

Akira's fingers twitched.

_Please leave me be._

_"Why? Growth of spirit could not possibly harm you."_

_Yeah, well how exactly does sexuality become a part of --_

_..._

_Oh._

_"Yes. Personality is partially defined through approaches to sexuality. This denial of intention is only inhibiting you, boy. You see now."_

Akira absent-mindedly began to rub circles into Yusuke's defined back.

_"You cannot deny the end goal of your amorous dreams, for thou art an animal in what you perceive."_

_In what I perceive?_

Akira noticed that Yusuke had relaxed his previously tense state.

_I was rubbing his back....?_

"The massage is gratifying, but may we hasten to Leblanc?" Yusuke's gray eyes looked back into Akira's trustingly.

Akira sighed in admonished defeat when Arsene cackled away from his thoughts. He made a reminder to speak more with him about 'personal development' later.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize it until now, but there are a great many headcanons/liberties I seem to be unconsciously using in this story. Among them:
> 
> \-- Madarame traveled a lot -- he has a great appreciation for Shinto and Buddhist sites.  
> \-- Yusuke has a respect for youkai because of self-reflection on his Mementos outfit. He's intensively interested in some historical subjects. He's really shy in certain public situations.  
> \-- Development of personas can greatly rest on their interactions with their owner -- they can talk outside of Mementos.  
> \-- Akira has nightmares frequently brought on by the stress of Thieves work. He's generally agnostic. He only shares info about his hometown with his closest friends.
> 
> To name a few....Someone tell me if any of this is making the characters ooc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the graphic violence warning, just to be safe. It's basically a hard right turn then a sharp left, so buckle your seatbelts.

"...You said you saw a fox?" Yusuke ceased his movement across the snow with Akira. The walking stick stood proudly like a wizened pillar in the sea of fresh snow.

Akira's gray eyes wandered up the subtle drifts of snow to the trees behind the shrine. He rubbed his nose halfway because of habit and halfway because he was getting a headcold. A loud sniff echoed in the crisp winter-laden air.

"I thought I saw one. What about it?" Akira allowed a great level of confusion to seep into his words. "I don't think it means anything."

Yusuke ran a cold hand through his even colder hair, carefully reorganizing it. As the taller teen's fingers sorted through subtle twists or knots, Akira was strangely reminded of a child sifting through toys.

"Sensei once told me that youkai watch over such shrine grounds as these. He was a great purveyor of traditional architecture when I was younger." Akira picked out a subtle note of wistful grace around the artist's revelation.

"There is a tradition to purify grounds such as these when an injury has taken place."

"What should we do about it? You need to get some rest for your leg..." Akira frowned and splayed a steady hand at the base of Yusuke's spine. "You weren't trying to anger anyone by injuring yourself..."

"I need to thank the spirits here for watching over us. I don't follow the practice closely myself...but..."

Yusuke's voice faded as he hobbled over to the wooden altar, assisted along by Akira's unwavering balance.

The artist bowed in respect, leaning upon the sturdy grain of the long branch.

Akira stood and watched him pray. Out of the corner of his glasses, he saw a fox watching them from behind a trunk. The silence was unnervingly spiritual.

_Fox. Are we the same?_

\-------

Akira didn't really take much stock into the legend of youkai and spirits. He knew of many that gave the utmost respect to nature and claimed there were gods in the trees....

It just wasn't his type of thing. He considered himself at least an agnostic.

Now respect... He understood respect better than religion. Akira supposed that stemmed from his background of accidental criminality -- it wasn't a Thieves-born trait, but it certainly became cemented that way.

Respect was something that he could harness, but religion, belief in mighty powers at play in the cosmos....

It was unfathomable to worship anything like that. Their personas, the Metaverse, cognitive shadows... The more Akira saw, the more he didn't know.

It seemed contradictory and irrational, but that was the unfortunate reality he lived everyday as a Phantom Thief.

His dreams made the feeling worse; this incident with Yusuke seemed to be just a layer of what he was experiencing. There was a tangible sense of fear lying at the bottom of his brain that he couldn't understand.

It pressed upon his eyes at quasi-random instances -- like when he was with his team. There was a fear of losing them, but Akira couldn't fathom why his soul needed the fear.

Until he saw... this... happen.

If rescuing Yusuke taught him anything, it was that loyalty did exist in the wide cruel world. Akira felt now how friends fear for each other, not just why they do.

They were precious reflections of his own actions, akin to a cracked mirror that one keeps only out of sentiment.

There may not be a utilitarian reason...but...

Isn't there a different purpose for having friends?

\------

Once Yusuke had promised to remediate his injury for the spirits, the pair left the shrine only in physical essence.

Akira could not believe anything this unordinary would happen from a simple walk in the dark hours of the morning. As they clambered upon the subway to Shibuya, the leader ignored the strange looks pointed at them by the other passengers, standing or sitting. With Akira's haste, the duo had secured seats.

He didn't give a damn. Not a single damn. His eyes stayed glued to his lap in reposing silence.

Yusuke, however, seemed nervous. He constantly fidgeted with the walking stick that rested by his bad leg, in the unconscious manner of a samurai with a sheathed katana.

Guarded.

Akira noticed the mannerism in harkening appreciation. He nudged Yusuke's hand with a pinky finger and gave a reassuring smile, trying to convey a complex thought in simple eye contact.

_You're safe, relax. No one's going to mistake you for a beggar, silly._

Yusuke gave him a confused glance. As he cocked his head, a strand of indigo hair fell across the bridge of his nose. The site garnered a chuckle from Akira.

_He's so adorable sometimes..._

The train's rumbling ameliorated Akira into a haze of contentment. The mechanical vibrations lulled him away into a temporary dream-state.

The feeling of safety didn't exactly translate correctly into his subconscious thoughts.

\-----

_Rumbling. Biting. Ripping flesh. Gnaw gnaw gnaw......_

 

_A growl of machine. Red vision._

 

_A train paces by with blurred speed._

 

_Blood or red or both on the floor? His blood, his veins ache for pain of death...!_

 

_There's a body on the tile. A mask postulates a mystery upon the cement. His body dies in the dirt._

 

_A strangle enraptures his jugular...the essence of life beats strong, the corruption of shadows fights for dominance._

 

_I art thou, thou art I._

 

_From the sea of souls thou takest thy pick of the treasure to steal. A bodily entity to forgive thine own sins._

 

_A soul to mirror thyself._

 

_Guide thyself._

 

_Kill and revive thyself over and over._

 

_Carmine canyons and crimson caverns, rosen rivers and rusty ribbons....thou art confused by the beauty thou hast seen in the the soul thus picked._

 

_Red. Red. Red._

 

_Black._

 

_There's a knife. Yes, reach. Reach. Grasp ever so slightly, see the canvas of your skin?_

 

_PRESS._

 

_Black._

 

_A sensation of shaking, the train stops._

 

_...thou hast not pressed. Give a mirror of the art before thyself, or be submissed as mediocre!_

 

_Pain. Blood. The knife is burning into the soul, hot on fire, searing passion and poison._

 

_Deeper, go deep to the bone, to the core._

 

_The core..._

 

_The knife turns of individual volition. The point hovers above the source of troubles, the heart, the spirit of emotion.... Steel on iron will, clash._

 

_PLUNGE IT!!!!_

 

_A cry of anguish and flatlining.....the organ is released from the ribcage, dull snap._

 

_The essence cries for love._

_\-----_

"AKIRA!"

With a jolt, he stands straight up, in a defensive stance.

The electricity humming in his nerves is unreal.

The raven-haired teen blinks rapidly. His veins throb with an adrenaline high as he frantically searches for the danger.

"Akira, please calm yourself, you were having a bad dream...." Yusuke gently stood next his dazed teammate. "Look, the train has arrived. Let us leave, yes?"

Akira flexed and tugged at his neck, trying to work out the kink from the shock. He wearily loped after Yusuke onto the platform.

The train went on unapologetically.

The jacket suddenly felt too warm and stuffy despite the cold temperature. People were staring at them while awaiting the next train.

Gawking.

Akira was entirely startled by Yusuke's innocent but oh-so perfectly convenient remark.

"Can you help me to the restroom?"

"Y-yes." Akira sighed. He mostly let Yusuke take the brief trip across the platform at his own pace, trapped inside his own musings.

_What was that?! I stabbed myself in the heart! Why the hell would I dream that....?_

There were three others in the men's room; Akira judged them to all be friends based on their camaraderie and joking tone. The laughter echoed off the tile with an obnoxious ring. There was a sudden silence when they saw Akira and Yusuke step into the room.

The nervous coughs felt abrasive and harsh to Akira's ears. He silently moved with Yusuke to the last stall, watching the others leave.

"Do we sincerely look so horrible...?" Yusuke wondered aloud. He sighed.

Akira turned around to look at his face in the mirrors. There was a clear wipe of dirt across the bridge of his nose. His hair looked....well...like it always did, he guessed. His curls were untameably wild. "I think they were staring at me."

"I apologize for all the inconvenience..." There was an awkward silence while they made embarrassed eye contact.

"...er..." A severe flush crept from Yusuke's cheeks down to the sides of his jaws. "Could you...please not look at me...?"

Akira felt a blush sneaking up on him, so he quickly turned away and pretended to examine his fingernails. He tried to block out the sound with his own thoughts.

_How did a short nap like that lead to such a vivid nightmare...?_

The memory seemed to be more abstract than the night prior, and somehow even darker. The bizarre nature of the experience was both enrapturing and fascinating.

"I usually use the restroom in private." Yusuke's pensive voice summoned Akira back to reality.

"Oh?" Akira looked up from his fake fingernail inspection at the sound of Yusuke activating a faucet. The artist let out a deep sigh as the water cascaded over his dirty nails.

"And so...I experience anxiety whenever I need to use public restrooms."

"I understand that completely."

"How so?" Yusuke briefly ceased his ministrations and looked up at the shorter teen wondrously.

"Well..." Akira shifted his weight to the opposite foot. "I got pee-shy as a kid, I guess. I had a really hard time using the rooms back at my hometown's school."

The artist continued to listen attentively while drying his hands.

"You see, a group of kids at my old school spread a rumor that some of the male teachers were perverts." Akira began to wash the smudge from his face. "I always tried to wait until I got back home to do my business. It was agonizing sometimes."

"I never knew that about you, Akira." Yusuke seemed to look at him with newfound respect. "I do not fathom how people can be so confident in public whilst alleviating their... needs..." A fresh flush reappeared upon the artist's cheeks. "I wish I could do the same."

"Yusuke...." Akira checked his face in the mirror and hummed in satisfaction, turning the faucet off. "...it'll happen eventually. Don't worry."

As they left the men's room, Akira used his sleeve to both dry his face and hide a threatening blush. "Hey....don't tell anyone about that story, alright?"

Yusuke waited for Akira to open the door. Akira saw a twinkle in his friend's clear eyes. "My lips can and will keep our secret, Akira."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly appreciate all the support from everyone! This small idea I had hesitations on sharing quickly blossomed into an in-depth story.....
> 
> Many thanks! I will continue to update, no matter the interval between posts.

_Arsene....why did you taunt me at the shrine?_

_"..."_

_I'm not frustrated anymore. I just want to know..._

_"Motivation."_

_...What are you talking about?_

_"Most humans seem to go cold in the most dire of situations. I used reverse psychology."_

_....My own persona tricked me...._

_"Well, yes. You and I are gentlemen thieves, tricksters, et cetera. Naturally we fool each other."_

_"I tricked you into rejecting the shallow desire to abandon your friend. I recognize the strengthening bond you are forging with him. I knew your physical attraction would overcome the temptation."_

_I'm not going to say that was clever. It was a treacherous move._

_"Hm! To you, perhaps."_

_..._

_Fighting temptation with lust, huh....?_

_..._

_Do you think I'm a good person for Yusuke?_

_I think I've done horrible things inadvertently to him..... He must secretly resent me for that, at least...._

_"Oh? What evidence might you procure for that line of reasoning?"_

_...I lied to him about his life getting fixed and becoming better... You know that._

_"No, boy."_

_....?_

_"You only fool yourself with that belief. I perceive him as a much more expressive human since you intervened in his crisis."_

_"Haven't you seen the smiles he flashes you? He shows direct gratitude for every action you do with him."_

_"It isn't your place to govern what he feels or experiences. You are misjudging his expressions."_

_"That human....he has a special soul, no matter how weak he is."_

_..._

_Hey, wait! He's a human to you now, not just an animal?! And what's all this talk about weakness!?_

_"....Humans are animals, ultimately. They like to think they aren't because they have stronger and more intense cognition."_

_"And he is weak, like all your friends are. For now. But you can certainly make them all better through the seeds of rebellion that you sow and reap in their lives."_

_"The other you desires it thus."_

_I guess I just have to accept that, don't I?_

_..._

_...Arsene. Thank you. For everything._

\----------

A smidgen of cold snapped Akira out of his reverie. He stopped his stride and looked up into the hurrying clouds across the blue sky.

Yusuke also ceased his walk. He leaned on his walking aid with patience. "Akira....Are you feeling alright?"

"Hm? Ah, don't mind me. I was thinking."

As if to gently chide him on his distraction, a small cold breeze pushed against his face. As if to fight back, a sudden idea took root in the trickster's mind.

Without really thinking much about it first, Akira asked Yusuke out for a date.

"I was thinking that we should take a walk like this again sometime, whenever your leg heals. Maybe when there's another snowfall?"

_I have no idea how he'll react to that...._

Akira's gaze slowly wandered, resting upon the puzzled expression of Yusuke's face.

"Whenever you'd want to, of course. Because... I think..."

Akira turned fully to face the artist. His heart beat fast with anticipation.

"I think you're the most precious treasure I've ever laid my eyes upon. And I want to spend my time with you! I would rescue you forever if it meant I could just spend more time with you!"

Akira breathed in exasperation, his breath fogging up the frigid space between himself and Yusuke. He closed that space without hesitation, wrapping his arms warmly around Yusuke's waist. His ear rested once more above the taller teen's heart.

He felt the twitch of surprise.

_...Did I mess up? What if I'm moving too fast? This is all just an assumption...._

"You....think I am a precious treasure?" Yusuke leaned against his walking stick meditatively. Akira could both hear and feel the sigh the artist's lungs released. The intimate sensation relieved Akira.

Nothing else mattered to him. Akira gently hugged Yusuke tighter amid the glances from passersby. He couldn't care less about the public display of affection, about the glances from passersby.

Akira focused his attention into the heat, away from the shivering gelidity of the air.

_His core is fire, his fingers are ice...nothing makes sense collectively..._

_But love doesn't make sense, so why should I try it collectively?_

Akira released his grasp slightly to look up at Yusuke, their subtle height difference becoming painfully obvious to him.

"Akira...what do you mean by that statement?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Another cold breeze wandered into the space between their faces -- Akira reactively buried his face into Yusuke's shoulder again.

The raven-haired teen gave out a soft sigh and mumbled incoherently.

"Did you say something? I couldn't quite understand."

Akira let his hands fall back to his sides aimlessly. He could feel the burn of embarrassment shading his cold cheeks. He hastily turned away from Yusuke and stared up at the sky.

"...the sun is starting to shine again."

"Ah....so it is...."

Akira gazed up at the consistent flow of ever-hurrying clouds. He followed the line of the sun rays cascading through the banks of water vapor.

_It's so beautiful...tender, like Yusuke...._

"The sky is very beautiful. Inspiring indeed..." Yusuke mentioned behind him, as if to answer his wonder.

"Doesn't it bring some sort of nostalgia?"

Akira looked over his shoulder coyly. He was about to make a comedic quip, but his mouth froze mid-speech.

His gray eyes widened as he realized Yusuke was taking a picture of him with his phone.

*snap*

"Akira! You ruined the perfect setting!" Yusuke huffed and hobbled over to Akira's shocked self. He reached up and gently turned the flabbergasted teen's head to face the sky again. "Please don't move! I will use this as a reference for artwork later!"

_"See? He appreciates you very much."_

_I get it now, Arsene. I will never give in to my doubts and fears._

He felt the chill of Yusuke's fingers brush against his cheeks as they readjusted his head, smiling as they left a tickling sensation.

Akira closed his eyes and enjoyed the simple beauty of the moment. His lashes felt cold against his burning skin. Sunlight filtered through his eyelids, reminding him of when he would sleep late into the mornings with a gentle glow from the bedroom curtains...

The wind no longer seemed to numb him. His mind was euphorically clear, savoring the immense respite the moment afforded. His ears slowly drowned away the subtle remarks Yusuke was making to himself...

 

_Where has this feeling been?_

 

"That should be plenty of angles for me to work with. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity."

Akira opened his eyes and looked up at Yusuke, who was now standing by his side. "It's no problem. We probably needed a little break from walking anyway."

"I think I would like the notion of another, less dire walk together. I accept your invitation, Akira." A harmless and quite endearing smile graced the artist's glad expression.

_The way his skin reflects the light is so serene... He's so cute when he's happy like this..._

Akira pulled himself from his indulgent thoughts and smiled in return. "Want to continue on? It's not that much further to Leblanc."

"That is sensible enough."

A bit of silence as they walked on, and then...

"I think I understand your remark about me being a 'precious treasure'."

"Oh?"

"My response is that I would gladly let you steal me."

Akira let the silence come back again. He was simply too embarrassed to think of anything to say. Rather than devote himself to depressing analysis of his dreams again, he mused about Yusuke and other relaxing topics.

_He would gladly let me steal him..._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short bit, because I've been simply busy with life. Our boys finally make it home.

Akira's thoughts were occupied with scattered focus among the littlest of details. He took attention to the oddest and most random of observances -- anything to keep his mind from settling on his nightmares.

A stray dog flitted by an alleyway. A wrapper blew idly against a snow pile. A man almost lost his hat stepping out of a door.

His hearing narrowed to a mother arguing gently with her young daughter near a thrift store. Across the street, Akira could clearly see the young toddler's heart become set on the object of her gaze, a rather large stuffed animal. His heart warmed with long ago memories of his own childhood. His lips twitched into a subtle smile.

"Isn't innocence something beautiful?"

_Ah, so Yusuke sees her too._

"Yeah...." Akira watched his breath escape in a gentle puff. As it faded into the chill air, he rubbed his cold hands together. "How are you doing?"

Yusuke sighed. "I am voraciously hungry. Otherwise, I have little qualms."

The trickster gave off a hearty laugh. "Isn't that how you always are?" His smile turned into more of a confident smirk.

"Hungry? Immensely, yes..."

"I'll make sure there's enough curry when we get home..." Akira's speech trailed away hesitantly.

"Home? Ah, Leblanc is your home. I nearly forgot you lived there, Akira." Yusuke glanced around at the surrounding environment, a smile of recognition curling his lips.

"Well...it can be your home too, you know."

The artist immediately stilled on the sidewalk; Akira began to think he really was pushing his luck with all the invitations and signs he was throwing to Yusuke. There was an intense moment of silence that made the raven-haired thief acutely aware of his clammy palms. His glasses were pushed back up his nose with a barely audible click.

"...I cannot accept such an offer."

The response garnered far more weight than Akira would have preferred, but he understood why Yusuke turned him down. He didn't have to spend as much money on train fare if he lived at his school.

"If it's because of the train fare, I'll help you pay for it."

"I couldn't possibly burden you with -"

"Please!" There was an accidental edge to Akira's tone that immediately made him regret his pushy personality. "I just want to improve your quality of life...."

He couldn't take the childish obsession of the idea anymore. To live under the same roof as his artist crush.... was....

...an exhilarating idea that could drive him crazy if he wasn't careful. It had the potential to distract his attention away from important Phantom Thieves work.

"Is there something I don't know, Akira?" Yusuke leaned forward ever-so-slightly to look Akira directly in the eyes. "There is an unusually stressed note to your voice..."

_Deep in my heart, I know I can't convince him to just move in and live with me. It's such an out-of-the-blue and crass idea to begin with. He probably has personal reasons for not accepting my offer in the first place...._

"I'm sorry about the tone...I'm just tired, that's all." Akira looked back across the street, where the girl had been pried away from the store's window.

There was a certain amount of resonance between the girl's and his own desires, Akira realized. The irony chilled him more than the cold wind that nipped at his skin.

"Let's just go." They simply continued onwards.

And where the girl struggled against her mother's maturity with her impulsive want of the stuffed toy....

...Akira accepted his defeat without so much as a sigh. Respect for Yusuke should take place before anything he wanted.

_"The rate of your personal growth is grand."_

_That doesn't eliminate the pang of longing I feel, Arsene._

\------

"At last, warmth and food." Yusuke murmured beside him, tapping the walking stick merrily on the pavement. Akira would truly feel relieved, but there was a certain level of trepidation poisoning the sense of safety surrounding Leblanc's atmosphere.

The trickster stared at the sign with an odd feeling in his stomach, as one might when they return home after a long trip away.

"Better to go in than remain in this ridiculous cold, yes?"

"...Sure." The word was shallow in Akira's ears, like the tinkle of the door chimes as he went inside with Yusuke.

A blast of hot air and coffee scent rushed at them the second they entered.

"Welcome to Leblanc, make yourselves comfortable." The rustic voice of Sojiro greeted them from in the kitchen, forced by an agitated tone.

Morgana perked up from his curled position on the counter. He stared furiously at Akira, then immediately rose and went upstairs with silent footfall.

A couple of customers glanced their way and then paid no more attention. Yusuke's eyes flitted across the cafe, savoring and absorbing every detail.

Akira found himself frozen. There was something weird and concerning in the air. He watched Sojiro lean around the shelf to see them.

"...Akira? Where've you been, kid? Your cat was harassing me for food I knew it couldn't eat." The old man wiped his hands on his apron and ambled over by the door.

_Oh, that explains the atmosphere in the room._

 "I have an explanation for all this." Akira gestured to himself and Yusuke's injured form. "...but I'm going to request that we eat first."

"Well...I'm not going to question the standards of hunger and hospitality, kid." Sojiro looked between them. "Take a seat you two."

The chatter of the news emanated from the TV in the corner. The trickle of coffee into cups filled out the TV as the trickster wordlessly slid onto a stool.

Yusuke followed suit, gratefully accepting a steaming bowl of curry from Sojiro's worn hands. Akira stared at the steaming bowl of food before him with suddenly souring appetite.

Sojiro rested his arms on the wood of the counter patiently. "Now, what's happened with both of you?"


	11. Chapter 11

Sojiro crossed his arms and worked out the story mainly presented to him by Yusuke. While the artist chartered away at any questions the barista threw him, Akira's behavior was a different mood entirely.

The souring appetite became one of drained nausea. There was a nagging migraine creeping beneath Akira's curled hair.

"Yes. I was attempting to find an excellent angle for capturing the elegant stars against a city backdrop. I thought it would be a simple matter to climb up a tree for that purpose."

"...and you fell down?"

"Indeed." Yusuke sighed and rested his head in his hands. Beside his elbow, a bowl once held the curry that slaked the starving boy's hunger. "There was no damage to my phone, however. The excursion was not in vain."

Sojiro looked to Akira for his side of the experience, who clearly wasn't in a talkative mood like Yusuke.

"Do you want to say anything, kid?"

"...I just needed a walk. That's all." Akira pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, putting up his fallback poker face.

The vague nature of the response shrouded the conversation in awkward silence. Sojiro sized up the outward appearance of his attic inhabitant for half of a minute.

Yusuke almost dozed off in the relative quiet and warmth, until a loud sigh from Sojiro made him snap awake.

"I'm not angry at you, Akira. I just needed an explanation for why the cafe was unlocked this morning."

Akira turned his head stubbornly away to appear being zoned out at the TV. In reality, he was picking apart the highlights of the conversation with a special sense of zeal. He should have expected this whole ordeal to have art involved.

Sojiro then addressed Yusuke specifically.

"By the way, I hope you'll understand when I say that I don't want to drive you to the hospital. What you did this morning was both dangerous and unecessary, and you could've killed yourself and Akira too."

The blue-haired teen looked into the leftover juices of his curry bowl shamefully. Akira frowned slightly with the disappointed emotion he saw.

"Then I am apologizing to both of you. Please forgive me for my arrogant behavior." In lieu of actually standing and bowing, Yusuke leaned forward on the counter, elbows bent and gaze turned to the ground.

Akira was taken aback by the display of his crush apologizing to him and his guardian simultaneously; an ambient flush shaded his cheeks with embarrassment.

Sojiro seemed equally flustered. "You don't have to apologize for it, kid. Just don't do something so reckless again." He rubbed his work-aching neck in exasperation.

Sojiro looked at both of the teenagers sitting before him, one dejected and one unnerved. "I need to take care of the trash. How about you let him stay upstairs for the night, Akira?"

Akira nodded his head. His throat clamped with anxiety. He waited for Sojiro to leave before he stood and led Yusuke to the stairs.

"So...I have an idea for getting you up the stairs, if you don't want to try it on your broken leg..."

Yusuke looked at him as if he were a bizarre specimen of revolutionary artwork. "How do you scale stairs without using legs?"

Akira sighed in semi-frustration. He nervously placed a hand around Yusuke's back. "Just don't move." He took the walking stick from the taller teen and leaned it against the wall.

"What are you -" The artist snapped his mouth shut and observed Akira's movement with awe and curiosity.

The thief carefully sweeped the taller boy into a gentle carry, his arms cradled around both waist and knees. He rested Yusuke's head slowly against his shoulder. "Let me get you upstairs."

Akira's heart threatened to rip out of his ribcage. He was indefinitely acting on a whim. He refused to look down at his... treasure...for the sake of shyness.

The customers staring at them didn't make anything easier. There was nothing else to do but take the steps up to the attic, slowly and with sure-footing.

More butterflies seemed to flutter in Akira's stomach when a graceful arm slipped around his neck. He could feel the artist's hair and nose brush against his collarbone. "Please don't drop me. That would be disastrous..."

"I wouldn't even joke about that, you know..."

"Why? Would you deign to release me?"

"Look, I couldn't let go of you even if I tried. You're my treasure, remember?"

"Yes... but you are perfectly capable of letting gravity assist you!"

_You're missing my point, Yusuke. I love you so much, can't you tell?_

"You know... That's not.... I.... HM." Akira gave up the conversation. His eyebrows knitted ever tighter with each slow step to the attic.

"Now you seem angry at something... myself, perhaps?" The injured artist looked up at Akira's face. "Am I causing you a headache of sorts?"

The honest truth was evident in Akira's migraine and his stiff stride up the stairs. The thief knew that he wouldn't have a headache if he wasn't sleep-deprived and moderately dehydrated.

Yet as he stopped just two steps shy from his room, staring at the taller male's expression, he couldn't admit it.

The day would never dawn where Akira would tell Yusuke he was the source of trouble in the insomniac's life. The guilty display of regret crossed the poor artist's face; Akira refused to tell him a lie, so he remained silent.

_I can't do it. He's too precious._

"I suppose I truly am the cause of this most recent altercation. You have every right to be frustrated and annoyed at -"

"No. Stop saying you're a problem." Akira fought the quivering in his voice that threatened to spill out. "You're innocent..."

"But I have obviously caused you much grief! As the Boss stated, I endangered your life!"

Akira leaned against the wood wall of the staircase. He hid his face as salty tears started to brim up in his eyes. "No, you didn't... I rescued you of...my own volition..." The thief mustered all his dwindling strength to scale the last two steps.

A fell silence drew a curtain between the two teenagers, letting the trickling pains of loneliness seep into Akira's heart.

Yusuke didn't protest when his fellow thief set him upon the bed instead of the futon. After readjusting himself, he accepted the blankets offered to him by Akira.

Morgana lazily stretched and revealed his position amongst the contents of Akira's desk. "What happened with you guys?"

"If you were downstairs, perhaps you would have heard about my mistake." The artist scoffed at his feline teammate from underneath thick wool covers. "Hm. The pattern of this material is interesting...."

"Morgana, I'll tell you about it over some sushi later. I'm sorry for leaving you all alone, without food..."

"You idiot! I had food! I was just trying to alert the Boss to your absence!" Morgana looked him sadly in the eyes. "I missed you, you know..."

Akira picked up Morgana and held him on his shoulder. "I do know." His fingers rubbed soothing circles into the cat's small back.

Morgana purred in relief and nuzzled Akira's palm affectionately. Yusuke watched the interaction with curiousity.

Akira made his way over to his boxes of clothes, setting Morgana down on the floor. The feline thief dashed over to the desk chair and perched himself in it. "I'll try to find you some clothes you can change into. Those look a little dirty."

Yusuke looked at the sleeve of his shirt in astonishment. "I don't mind..."

"I'm just trying to be hospitable." Akira pulled out a dark gray tee and navy blue shorts. He realized he never used a lot of his wardrobe in the first place; he didn't remember ever getting the shorts.

"Do you even have anything that would fit Yusuke? He's so tall and skinny....and his legs are really long..."

_Oh boy, Morgana. Thanks for pointing out his attractiveness. Just what I needed._

"Here, you can try these on while I go downstairs. I'm going to call a local physician I know of to make a visit." Akira set the clothes down next to Yusuke's arm.

"Why? Are either of you injured?"

"Yusuke's shin is broken. At least that's what we think." Akira handed the clothes to the artist. "I'll go make the call. Think you can change by yourself?"

"I am sure of it. If I need further assistance, I will have Morgana let you know."

Akira simply smiled and left the room.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of this work. A long chapter for a long wait. Enjoy and feel free to give me criticism and compliments! X)
> 
> (I apologize for the wait, I'm currently in the state of moving into my college dorm.)

"You actually called at a good time, Kurusu."

"Oh?"

"This is an offday for me. The cold hasn't exactly encouraged my patients to attend their appointments. They've been rescheduled -- but never mind that. What did you need?"

Akira tapped the sink in Leblanc's bathroom thoughtfully, letting a dull echo bounce off the walls. He chose the small room for its privacy, avoiding the inquisitive nature of Sojiro in the main cafe.

Takemi clucked her tongue promptly over the phone. "Well, Kurusu?"

"A...friend of mine is injured." Akira took his glasses and set them on the counter. "It's a favor."

"I understand it's a favor, my guinea pig..." There was a click of a pen and the sliding metal of an office locker. "Hm. Male or female?"

"M-male."

"....you sound so hesitant."

"Yeah...?"

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Akira looked at his emerging blush in the mirror. There were sallow bags underneath his eyelids, hinting at the lack of sleep. "I actually don't know about that..."

More office lockers sliding open and closed. After what seemed to Akira a long and charged silence, Takemi sighed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Is this a confidential talk, doctor? Do I need to pay for this too?"

"No, my guinea pig." Takemi chuckled amusingly. "Go on. I may not be a counselor, but I do know a thing or two about love and the discord it can bring."

Akira sighed and took a wooden stool out from underneath the sink. It creaked under his adolescent weight, implying that it hadn't been used in months. His glasses remained dejected on the glossy surface of the counter.

"Well... Where do I even start?"

\-------

As Akira closed the bathroom door behind him, he processed the advice Takemi gave. It all made sense, really. The affection he was feeling was put to the test by the whole shrine incident.

In her wisdom, if he wouldn't have gone there himself, it was just puppy love.

But that wasn't what happened, making the trickster feel immensely elated and that much more terrified. Takemi told him that she was hesitant whenever she got in a relationship -- "I seem to be a lot like you, Kurusu. Scared to harm a loved one."

The insight added many answers and questions to Akira's weary thoughts. His body begged for sleep, but there was a more pressing matter that pervaded his train of attention.

_The dreams. They seem so much more important now. Maybe it's all a reflection of my turbulent emotion..._

The raven-haired thief sat himself at a cafe stool and fished out a napkin from the nearest dispenser. He searched his pockets for a writing utensil.

"Ahem."

The teen looked up to see Sojiro offering a pen from his apron pocket. "Need this, kid?"

Akira was a little flabbergasted. "How did...."

"Believe me, I'm familiar with that look on your face. You've got a lot on your mind, so you'd like to write it down, right now." His guardian smiled. "You live here, you know. I understand your mannerisms a lot more than you think I do."

A gentle smile subconsciously wormed onto Akira's chapped lips. He coughed into his sleeve once, a way of sheepishly implying a thank you. Sojiro offered him a fresh mug of java with the pen before going back to his work.

A click later, Akira was hastily trying to capture the receding details of his two dreams, avoiding the tear of the frail paper cloth.

_Everyone died._

_The police (were they shadows?) were chasing us._

_Caroline and Justine told me to find emancipation and free myself from..._

_...from..._

Akira ran his hands through his unruly hair frantically. None of it made sense! There was something, a detail eluding his recollection....

_Yusuke. His death was the most vivid._

_That's it.... I actually interacted with him...._

_What did he ask me for?_

_A...._

Akira spluttered on the steaming coffee going down the back of his throat. A tell-tale flush of embarrassment shaded his gasping face, suffering from the irritation of choking.

Sojiro looked over in pity. "Drink the stuff slowly, kid." He turned back away, pinching his aged nose.

Akira closed his eyes and tried to conjure up that vivacious moment hanging on the tip of his mind.

_A... kiss...to the forehead. Only to the forehead. That was what he asked for, and then he died.... So...._

_Everything implies that I'm the most attracted to him. I think the twins wanted me to free myself from longing and unrequited feelings. And... Maybe... The kiss implies a gentle kind of affection....._

Akira stared at his notes in satisfaction. Loose words seemed to hover in the margins of each item -- words like 'freedom', 'pining', and even 'deception'. He folded the napkin and set it aside.

_Now. The second one._

He pulled out a fresh paper napkin. His pen clicked absent-mindedly while he tried to remember...

Yet, even as he made immense effort to chase the abstraction of the dream, it became that much more vague and moody. Instead of crystallizing into clear lines and sights, it blurred like the condensation on a piece of cold and wet glass.

The coffee allowed Akira little repose from this enigma. The caffeine made it worse -- his thoughts jumbled together, the pen clicking became loud and harsh in his ears, the tempo of his heart screamed at -

"Joker! Hey hey!"

Akira blinked. The gentle tap of a fuzzy paw broke his accelerated panic. His eyes met Morgana's hesitantly.

The cat had settled himself next to Akira's arm in his intense and unaware focus. "Are you okay? You were down here for a long time, so Yusuke sent me. He worries about you a lot."

"Doesn't he though..." The mumbled reply almost seemed non-existent to Akira's own ears. His hand dropped the pen, letting it roll down onto the floor next to the bar stools.

There was long moment before Akira registered the stain of tears on the blank napkin. A finger pressed into his cheek distantly, catching the next tear in disbelief.

"Why am I crying, Morgana?"

"I've never seen you this emotional before, Joker... I always thought you were so calm and collected..." Morgana nuzzled his empty hand sympathetically. "You really carry the stress around with you, don't you?"

"I guess..."

"Hey hey, do you want some advice?"

Akira nodded and stared seriously at his feline companion.

"...Don't be so stoic around Yusuke. He likes it when you're expressive."

 "Yeah..." Akira wiped his eyes dry with the napkin. He picked the pen up off the hardwood floor, setting it next to his half-consumed coffee.

As a courtesy, he finished the drink.

The jingle of the door chime made Akira and Sojiro look to the door simultaneously.

Sojiro was the first to acknowledge the visitor. "Ah, Tae Takemi! I never called a doctor -"

"No, I think Kurusu was the one to do that." Takemi cut in. She looked around the cafe curiously, ignoring the concerned looks from the elderly customers at her punk attire. "Where is the patient at?"

Sojiro sighed at her familiar rudeness and went to the kitchen. Akira stood and showed her to the stairs. "He's up here."

Over the click of Takemi's heels up the wood stairs, Akira heard her give a thoughtful hum. "Sakura seems to be the same as always."

As the short stature of the doctor's figure appeared in the attic, Akira heard Yusuke's voice greet her. "Ah. You must be the physician Akira was speaking of."

"Yeah, probably. Are you my patient today?"

Akira moved instinctively to Yusuke's side to help him sit up. He noticed a sly smile crop up on Takemi's knowing face.

"Indeed. My leg is the part that requires treatment."

\-----

Following the patient-confidential code, Akira left the room (reluctantly). It was more courtesy than adherence to medicinal practice.

And so Akira resumed his seated position at his previous spot of introspection, the same bar stool. Leblanc was devoid, save himself and the Boss.

The trickster stared blankly at the worn countertop, which weakly reflected his face in the lamplight of the cafe. It seemed just like his train of thought in that way -- almost faded, like a cloudy marble.

"I won't judge you."

"Hm?" Akira wearily looked up at his guardian, his facade of indifference broken by fatigue and emotional strain. He could feel the terror in his heart leak out onto his face -- like watercolor on a canvas that his artist crush might use....

He snapped that musing away when he saw the level sincerity of Sojiro's worn face. "I won't judge you for saving that boy's life."

The old barista went to swap the cafe sign, closing up early for the cold day. Looking through the glass of the door, he sighed. "Selflessness, Akira. Seems to do you no good, huh? You had the same defeat on your face when you moved here, back in April."

It was all confusing to Akira.

_Why is he bringing that up? Can I finally hide my insomnia no longer? Will he care about me liking Yusuke?_

The Boss stroked his goatee lightly. "You care for that friend of yours immensely, don't you?"

There were two immediate reactions to that statement that Akira would have liked to blurt back: defense and accusation.

But....Sojiro wasn't attacking him. And so the trickster remained silent. A gusty sigh whined through the old man's lips. He took a seat next to Akira.

"It's okay if you like dudes. I don't particularly care who you like, frankly, so long as it's not a criminal."

There was an odd pressure relieved from the younger male's stomach, as if a good majority of the stress was...

_Just coming to terms with who I am. My sexuality is a part of who I am._

_Who I am.... Then, it really is okay._

"You know, I went through this kind of thing years ago, when I was young like you. But I decided I only liked the ladies."

"I think you're a little off on one aspect."

"Hm? What, do you like both?"

"Yeah. I'm certain now. You know...after this support you're giving me."

Akira looked over at Sojiro appreciatively. Another smile curved his lips as he opened his mouth.

"Thank you so much. I don't talk a lot to you about my personal problems, so it means a lot to me."

"Where is this politeness coming from all of a sudden?" Sojiro pointedly remarked. They both erupted into hearty laughter.

"Did I miss something funny?" With a clicking stride, Takemi entered from the staircase. "Nevermind. Guy talk probably."

Akira halfway stood in a rush of anticipation. "How is Yusuke? Is he alright?"

He saw a confused look through the punk makeup of the doctor's face. "That's an interesting question, and as it happens, it comes with an interesting answer." She settled into the stool closest to the stairs.

"Mind you that this is all conjecture, Kurusu." Takemi picked up a packet of sugar and began to fold it idly. "Your friend has no physical injury, save maybe dehydration and some fatigue."

"How is that possible? He passed out from the pain of having a broken leg!" Akira rested his temple on one upturned arm. "He practically hobbled his way to the cafe....!"

"I think his symptoms are psychosomatic."

"Is such a thing possible?" Sojiro posed.

Akira was in the same state of wonder.

"Because of emotional stress...possibly."

"Then I need to speak with him. Right now!" Akira quickly stood. "I need to support him!"

Sojiro looked in shock from the sudden proactivity. "Just don't do anything stupid, okay?" He rubbed his neck and put his apron on the counter.

Takemi gave Akira a sly smile. "Just call me tomorrow about the payment." Before leaving, she coyly glanced back at the bespectacled teenager.

"And, Kurusu......if you get there, use protection." She flashed full-on grin of pure mischievousness before leaving the cafe in a prompt manner.

Akira was frankly embarrassed. Sojiro gave him a stern but trusting look before leaving as well.

_She's so ridiculous sometimes._

He locked the front door. "I don't even want to do that to him..."

When the thief turned around, he saw Morgana curled on the floor by the space heater. "Do what, Joker...?"

"Have you been here this entire time!? Were you eavesdropping?"

"I was sleeping, until you had your outburst."

Akira crossed the room, grabbing a glass to fill with water.

"Just so you know, he was asleep when I came down here. No funny business tonight, got it?"

Akira was almost tempted to splash water on his friend, but calmed his temper. "Why is everyone starting to think of me as an overtly sexual person!?"

\---------

The silence of the attic was dim and warm. Ambient light filtered in through the window by the dying sunset. Akira set the glass of water on his desk.

His gaze lingered on the peaceful expression of Yusuke. The artist seemed halfway between silent breath and snoring, making a subtle wheeze. The sight was entirely endearing.

Akira found himself studying the face before him mindlessly yet again. He stealthily clambered out of his jacket and sweatpants, folding them in a moment of déjà vu.

_And so.....it all comes around full circle._

When he set the clothes on his desk, he considered changing into clean ones. The thought was shooed away by a bought of laziness and embarrassment.

_I guess I should start by waking him._

"Hey..."

No response.

Akira gently placed a hand on the slumbering teen's shoulder. "Yusuke...."

There was a noise that was somewhere between a rumble and a sigh which worked out of the artist. Yusuke rubbed his eyes blearingly and sat up.

His eyebrows furrowed. Akira passed him the glass of water.

The shorter teen sat down at the foot of the bed. Faint shadows from the setting sun stole into the room, slowly enveloping the two in growing darkness.

"I'm sorry for everything I've bothered you with over the last day. I had no right to garner such danger to your being, and the Boss was right in saying that I could have ended your life."

It broke Akira's heart to see defeat envelop Yusuke. It seemed so counter-intuitive.

"Why was it so important to go to the shrine? It wasn't just for art...was it?"

Yusuke's gaze remained fixed on the glass of water in his hand. "It was Goemon."

"...He told you to go to the shrine?"

"It was strange, he spoke outside of the Metaverse. He had a direct request for me to become braver, to find strength."

"Why didn't you train in Mementos then?"

"I don't... know.... It...." Yusuke trailed off sadly and resorted to drinking the water.

Akira recognized the look on the artist's face.

Hesitation. Confusion. The need to sweep something under the rug, to hide his shame.

The raven-haired thief laid a hand on the blanket, over Yusuke's leg. "Whatever you say, I still want to support you. It was never a bother for me to save you."

"How can that be....? I began to think that people were inherently selfish..."

"And they are." Akira shamefully remembered his errant thoughts about Yusuke. "It's just that people can overcome their selfishness if they try."

_If they try, then people can save each other._

"But can I become the same? Why did my mind trick me into thinking I had an injury?" Yusuke returned the half-empty glass to Akira, who then set it on the desk.

"Most importantly...I've never experienced anything like this before."

"Isn't that normal? Experiencing new things is a part of life."

"Akira... What if this is all a dream?"

The bespectacled teenager froze. He considered that too, once. That maybe he was really in a lucid dream, another nightmare waiting to rear it's ugly head.

To think that all this emotion, this introspection might have been non-existent...was terrifyingly possible.

In every lucid dream, he knew, there was always self-awareness that could be mistaken for actual reality. He couldn't get away from the inspid idea.

"What if... I'm still under Madarame's tutelage? I could still be living at the atelier..."

Akira tightly pulled him into a hug, fighting the tears that threatened to spill from his lashes. "Stop...saying things like that..."

When his hands rested on the curve of Yusuke's spine, he scooted closer. Goosebumps emerged on his own skin. He strained to figure if the sensation was also part of the dream.

Yusuke, at some point, had reciprocated Akira's gesture. He started to cry, silently, into the shoulder offered to him.

"Yusuke.....you don't have to be afraid. You can tell me whatever is on your mind." Akira pulled back and looked into the tear-stained face before him. "Because I love you immensely."

He gently moved the hair away from Yusuke's forehead, pressing a kiss to the skin.

_This moment is real. That felt nothing like it did in last night's dream. I've actually saved him.... This is all real life._

Akira cried with joy at the realization, resting his head on Yusuke's shoulder.

Eventually, they both laid back against the mattress and pillow. The trickster shimmied under the sole blanket, feeling the creeping cold of the winter season pervade the walls of the cafe. He took off his glasses and set them on the windowsill above Yusuke.

 

Out of the darkness, he heard the artist's voice murmur. "May I feel your pulse?"

 

Akira reached out and clasped the cold hands before him. One he rested between the pillow and his cheek, the other he splayed over his heart.

 

There was a sigh from Yusuke. "I don't feel cold anymore."

 

Silence while Akira thought. Then he placed his own hands over Yusuke's cheek and his heart.

 

"Neither do I."


End file.
